Simone's Tree

We were not planning on having a formal service for Simone. But on Monday, without planning, one somehow organically came together and it was perfect.

Originally, I had been planning to encapsulate my placenta. There are supposed to be so many benefits to ingesting it because of all the hormones in it. It's supposed to prevent that sudden plunge in post partem hormonal levels reducing the chances of post partem depression, give mama more energy, and even help with milk supply. And, even though it seemed like I needed that extra boost now, more than ever, it just didn't feel like the right thing to do anymore. But we still kept the placenta. 

Having our midwife, Beah by our side throughout the whole process at the hospital was such a blessing. She was so warm, loving, and sensitive. Somehow, she knew what to say. She shared that she had lost her 8 month old son, and stories of other families who had experienced similar tragic losses and how they handled them. 

We really liked the idea of planting a tree in Simone's honor. Lane and I decided on a flowering cherry tree. They have always been our favorite, and then have held a special place in our hearts after living in DC. And they have the most beautiful pink blossoms in Simone's birthday month of April. So, a cherry tree was the perfect choice.  And then, my sister asked me if I had read about the symbolism behind the cherry tree. 

"the cherry blossom represents the fragility and the beauty of life. It's a reminder that life is almost overwhelmingly beautiful but that it is also tragically short. When the cherry blossom trees bloom for a short time each year in brilliant force, they serve as a visual reminder of how precious and how precarious life is."

Now, of course this just happened to be our favorite tree, and we chose it without

 ever knowing how truly perfect and fitting it was for our baby girl. 

Lane and Uncle Noal went and got the tree and supplies at our local nursery and then everything just happened, a ceremony that no one actually planned. 

We decided to plant the tree in a big pot, in case we ever move. Lane put some soil in the bottom of our pot, and had me put in the placenta. He shaped it like a heart and we all looked at it. The kids even touched it. We all took turns covering the placenta that nourished Simone and filling the pot with our beautiful cherry tree.

Lane bought a dozen ground cover plants to put at the base of the tree. He had no idea that we would all take turns planting one next to the tree. It was beautiful to have everyone who was present participate in the planting of our baby's tree. We all took turns watering it as well. Everyone was crying and hugging each other. 

And then, my brother Tim pulled a poem out of his pocket and tearfully shared it with us. 

“Just For A Moment”

(From A Silent Love, Adrienne Ryan)

"Our hands have touched, our paths have crossed
A love is gained, a love is lost
Just for a moment I kissed the face
Of an innocent child I can’t replace.

Just for a moment a maternal touch
Would say the words that meant so much
A soft caress, the gentle tears
That will make those minutes last for years.

Just for a moment, I held your hand
My broken heart in your command
So much to tell you, so little time
Why were you punished, what was the crime?

They took part of me when they took you away
As much as I love you, you weren’t meant to stay
I gave you a hug that for always must last
As facing the future means leaving the past.

Our souls have merged, I live for you
Perhaps I’m living your life too
I will carry on, I can always stand tall
Because just for that moment, I had it all."