Sunday, September 14, 2014

Santa Claus

Yesterday morning, I awoke to Gabriela announcing that she was certain I was in fact Santa Claus and very directly asked me if this was true. 

Now, I have always done my best to be very honest with her. This Santa thing has always made me feel a little guilty. Would I devastate her by trying to give her some magic at the holidays? I decided a long time ago that I would let her work through it, asking her what SHE thought, and leave it at that. 

But I did not expect to have this conversation at age six! What the heck?!? I asked her what she thought and very matter of factly she started, "how could a big fat chubby man squeeze through all those chimneys? And how could he carry a giant bag with everyone's gifts? And of course reindeer can't fly!" And she repeated that she thought it was me. And again, asked me if this was true. I asked her what was different about last year, and she replied that she IS six years old now. And again with the direct question, "are you Santa, Mommy?"

I suppose I had a choice in this matter, to weave some magical tale about Santa's special powers, to string her on just a little farther and enjoy that magic just a little longer. But I wanted to be honest. And if we're being honest here, I was proud of her critical thinking, the reasons she gave, and I wanted her to trust her reasoning, not to doubt it. And I didn't want to straight up lie to her either. 

So I dug up that magic of Christmas letter I pinned a couple years ago, thinking it might be a good resource years and years from now. We talked about it and I was so nervous about her reaction. 

How did it go? Well this girl was beside herself, giggling as I spilled the a Santa beans. I think she was proud of herself. And then her wheels started turning to what else, but Little House. "Mom! So it was really Mr. Edwards who brought gifts for Mary and Laura! He didn't want them to be sad!"

We also talked about how she knew a grownup secret now. She shouldn't talk about it with her friends or cousins because they might feel really sad to find out. 

It went pretty well, but I must admit that I am a little disappointed. I was hoping that innocent magic would last at least a few years longer. 

And then I started wondering, maybe kids are so disappointed and crushed when their parents bend over backwards to assure their children that Santa is real when they start having doubts. But no one is truly scarred so it can't be that big of a deal. 

Maybe it's more than that for me. I already feel like Gabriela isn't able to be a young child, learning that babies can die at the age of five. I had 30 more years of that innocence than her. Maybe I am disappointed more that yet another childlike innocence is gone. My baby is growing up too, too fast. 

1 comment:

Patrick and Crystal said...

We don't do Santa around here, and while my mother in law pretty much thinks this is another form of child abuse, I too just wanted to be honest with my kids. I have always told them that Santa is a fun Christmas story and that Mommy and Daddy put the presents in the stockings. They don't seem to be scarred by the fact that they haven't grown up believing in a fat man sneaking into our house at night. And I think Christmas still has its magic without it!