Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Photography: I wish I had known about this right away, but basically a participating photographer comes to the hospital and takes photos of your family with the baby. We have just a handful of cell phone photos of Simone. In our rush to the hospital, we didn't bring a camera and our cell phones both were running out of battery. Having professional photos to capture our few hours together would have been priceless.
Handprint Set: I will be forever grateful that Lane asked his parents to pick up a molding set so we could have Simone's hand and footprints. It is the most tangible proof of her existence we have. It's not the same as photos or ashes. And there are so few things that you get to keep of your baby's when they die at birth. We will treasure them always
A Heart to Hold: this organization makes fabric hearts and fills them to your baby's weight so that the mama (and other family members) don't feel that emptiness as acutely. And each one is given in remembrance of another baby who died. I didn't know about this helpful resource back in April, and it would have been so healing in the immediate aftermath of Simone's death. My sister emailed the founder, who as it turns out , had a very similar experience too mine. Even though she typically does orders within the first 30 days, and she wasn't even accepting any orders at the time due to extreme demand, she quickly had a heart sent to our family. Nearly six months later, it is still healing. Easton immediately held it in his lap, Gabriela talks to it, and we all find comfort in cuddling with it. I can imagine how much more healing this might be, if sent right away.
Something Happened: a beautifully illustrated, simply written story of a family whose baby died. The story was so similar to ours, down to the planting of a tree and garden. The story addresses emotions of everyone in the family in a truly beautiful way. Gabriela really enjoyed reading this book. I think it gave her a lot of comfort.
Why Did You Die: this is a book full of activities to help a child process the death of a loved one. Some activities are designed to help kids learn certain concepts about death -every living thing dies, nothing you say or think can cause someone to die. The activities include things like writing a letter to the person who died, sharing a memory, drawing pictures of yourself and all the different feelings you have had surrounding the death. There are questions after each activity as well. I gave found these helpful, not only for Gabriela but for myself as well.
SAND (Support After Neonatal Death): our SAND group has been such a helpful resource. We are still regularly attending meetings. Parents and even grandparents have come to different meetings for many different stages of loss: early miscarriage, pregnancy termination, pre-term labor babies, full term stillborn babies, babies who died shortly after birth, and even toddlers. It is no small task to hear everyone's story and to feel their grief. But these people truly understand what we are experiencing - the pain, the struggles, the awkwardness, all of it.
Still Standing Magazine: this is an online magazine that has regular stories of loss and how people have managed through their grief. There are so many topics: pregnancy after loss, parenting through grief, siblings grief, self-care, grandparents, new normal, and more. These stories are written by people who know. Many of them are further along in the healing process. It's such a comfort and makes this journey less isolating.
Carly Marie Project Heal: I have kind of fallen off my project heal wagon because I've been trying to manage my (still) impending miscarriage. But this is such a beautiful way to allow yourself to feel your grief, to record your journey, and connect with others on a similar path. I am going to try to do some catch up.
October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: who even knew there was such a month. This is the Project Heal month. Some places have Walks to Remember, and October 15th is Wave of Light, where people in all different time zones light a candle at 7pm for and hour to honor babies and children who have died, creating a wave of light across the world.
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