Ahh, Vacation!

We had a wonderfully relaxing trip to the DR. We went kayaking in the ocean, ate lots, and just chilled by the pool, and then by the beach, walked on the beach at night, read, and enjoyed being able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to. We really needed that break.

It was in the high 80's the whole time we were there. Rain was in the forecast every single day for our trip, but it only rained once. We were on the beach and all of a sudden this roaring thunder came from no where, and the rain immediately began pouring while everyone ran frantically off of the beach. Lane and I used the opportunity to snag one of the huts and went swimming in the ocean. We practically had the whole beach and the ocean to ourselves.

One night they had this "arabian nights" entertainment show. Lane and I thought we'd go check it out, not having very high hopes at all. We thought we'd go check it out, promising that we'd leave if it was totally lame. So we stood in the very back, allowing us an easy escape route. The thing was, we had found ourselves transported to this bizarrely bad live Sabado Gigante-esque show. It was terrible, but in that way that you want to see what happens next.

They picked four ladies for this "Miss Oasis Hamaca (the resort name)" competition. They told the ladies to watch this other lady as she demonstrated what they'd have to do. The next thing we knew, the song, "I'm Too Sexy" started playing and this lady pranced around stage with a boa, walking all sultry and sexy. She ended up on this chair in the middle of the stage with her leg up in the air, as if she were being dipped.

The first lady was kind of big, and obviously not very excited about her turn to repeat this fiasco. She went backstage, and then the music started. But she was nowhere to be found. They restarted the music, and still, nothing. The host had to go back stage and give her a little pep talk or something. She finally walked across the stage with the boa, but wasn't too happy about it.

Contenstant number 2 started, but she didn't seem very coordinated. She hardly bent her legs as she went across the stage. Lane and I were asking eachother why she was walking so strangely. As she dipped down to go into the final pose on the chair, she just kept going and somersaulted over herself completely losing her balance and fell on the stage. We quickly realized that her lack of coordination was due to her inebriation.

Contestant numero 3 was a crazy 65 yr old Canadian lady. She must have misunderstood the directions, because she came out MARCHING across the stage, using the boa as if it were a set of nunchucks, she was karate kicking her legs around and doing 360s. She was ninja lady. It was SOOO funny. It was like she was trying to intimidate the audience, rather than entice them.

The last girl actually followed the directions. She was also the only girl the audience would have liked to see follow the directions. She was a young hot Spanish girl.

Next, they each had a minute to go out in the audience to kiss all the guys they could. Canadian Ninja lady misunderstood the directions again. She went out in the audience and just kissed her husband over and over again. Afterwards, the husband (who was clearly drunk off his ass) stood up and started flexing his muscles and grunting.

The last round that we stayed for was all out mayhem. Each girl was supposed to go out in the audience and collect as many articles of clothing as possible, each of varying point value. Some of the girls were pulling clothes off of people, but some guys in the audience were taking off their own clothes and chasing the girls down to give them the "points."

At the end of the round there were huge piles of shirts, shoes, and pants on the stage. The host said everyone would have ONE minute to go on stage to collect their belongings. They started flashing lights, blasting house dance music, and even used the strobe light. It was absolutely ridiculously retarded. We just couldn't pull ourselves away from this Sabado Gigante inspired extravaganza. It gave us a lot of laughs.