Capture Your Grief - Day 5. Empathy

 So often in this community of bereaved parents we speak about all the things that friends and family should not say to us. There are countless articles about things never to say to a bereaved parent but not as many on actual things to say to a bereaved parent. If we want to break the silence surrounding baby and child loss we need to communicate our needs of what people can do and say to help. We must educate society on what real empathy is. What does empathy look like for you. What do you wish people would have said to you? How could they have helped you better?

...

Say my daughter's name. Bring her up. Show me you haven't forgotten her, or the fact that we are living daily with her loss, and that we always will. Don't be afraid to remind me of Simone, because trust me, she is always on my mind. When you tip toe around her existence, her birth, never mention it, act as though it never happened, it sends the message to my living children that what happened to their sister is shameful and that they shouldn't bring her up. Please don't be afraid to remember Simone with my other children especially. They need to know others love their sister as much as they do. 

A couple friends of mine have been so straightforward and honest, letting me know that they never tire of hearing about Simone and even though they don't always know what to say, they always want to listen. They ask me hard questions, like how am I feeling emotionally as I get ready to birth another baby. I just got a call recently from someone lovely who told me how much they are thinking of us. they know it's going to be so hard to hear our new baby's first cry, how difficult it must be to compartmentalize the feelings for Simone and prepare for this birth. These kind people aren't afraid to address what is so obviously there, something they are likely uncomfortable discussing, but they do it anyway. It makes me so grateful and brings me to tears to know that someone else gets it, or at least they are trying to. I know it's not easy for them, and that makes me appreciate it even more.